Accountants

You probably haven't noticed that I haven't been blogging for a while. I blame school. In one of my last posts I lamented the fact that I didn't go to school "when I was supposed to," or something like that. Going to school as an adult gets in and really ruins your life. No, really.

An example: today I wanted to ride my bike after school. It's a recent activity I've adopted, and I adore it. My knees are bad enough that I can't run anymore, and I really don't like to walk--I want to really move. And while yoga isn't really moving, that and cycling are about all I can do anymore. So, tonight I wanted to ride my bike, and I have chicken in my fridge that needs to be cooked. Soon. I also wanted to go to the temple tonight after work, 'cause I hear they have a new film (a topic for a different post). But HEY, I have HOMEWORK to do.

I finished my capstone last semester to glowing reviews, and boy, what a great way to go out that would have been. But no, I was a dumb-dumb and saved all my favorite subjects for last. (Read: all the subjects that didn't interest me, and frankly, scared me a little bit.)

The subject I'm studying right now is accounting, and I have a whole new respect for accountants. I just don't get it. It doesn't help that I have no real-world experience with accounting, unless you count years ago balancing my checkbook. And I really don't think that counts.

My brother is an accountant, and he's been generous enough to invite me to call him whenever I have a question, so I do. He's a great teacher, but I wish he was closer so I could sit down with him and actually learn from him. It truly is an intro class, and I feel like a glassy-eyed idiot when he explains things to me, especially over the phone.

Oh well. I'm glad to know that not all of us can do everything, and some of us are better doing only one thing.

I did get to spend time with my brother and his family just over a month ago, and his daughters wanted me to do something with them but I told them I had some homework to do. They got quite a charge out of that. They were certain I was pulling their legs.

School, school, school

I highly recommend getting your degree before you have children. I'm thoroughly enjoying my school experience, but hindsight being what it is, I wish I had taken my education seriously 20 years ago.

With that statement out of the way, I am happy to report that I am doing well in school, and may be able to clep out of two or more classes. Yippee! I took the pre-assessments for two classes over the weekend and I'm on track to finish those in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping that I can test out of more, but am trying to be reserved in my optimism.

My mentor is sure that I will be graduating a year ahead of schedule, at any rate. Whew.

No BRCA

My insurance doesn't cover the BRCA testing. Still. After more careful study, my insurance liaison realized she had missed the "exclusion" part. So no testing for me. I'll resume 6-month checkups for the next couple of years.

BRCA1 & 2, part 2

Myriad Genetics claimed my insurance wouldn't cover BRCA testing about 2 months ago, but we have since discovered that with personal and family history, it is indeed covered. I went in today to have the work-up. Basically you swish around mouthwash twice for 30 seconds and spit it all in a vial. I should know in a couple of weeks if I have the BRCA gene mutation that can cause cancer.

If I do, I will consider having a preventive mastectomy and my ovaries removed. I don't know what else to do. I am so appreciative of all your faith and prayers in my behalf, but I'm also really tired of having this hanging over me. Even with a benign biopsy, my doctor wants to see me every six months for a couple of years. MRIs, mammograms, possible biopsies, blah blah blah. It's strange living with a lurker, never knowing when it will show up.

Susan emailed me today and shared what Hunter said after Jesse told his family that my biopsy results were benign. He asked what they should pray for next. And then added that maybe they should thank Him. I smiled the warmest smile when I read that. I love children so much.

If I may digress from the original topic of this post, I have to just say how much I have enjoyed loving and serving the children in our ward. What a wonderful opportunity and calling. It has been amazing, even in the toughest of times. I feel so lucky to be with those great kids each week.

I will post again when I have my BRCA results. Thanks again to all of you for your love and support. I was telling Susan how much I miss my siblings. I am so excited to see you all at the reunion!

The letter no one wants to receive

My sister, Susan, once told me that you're terrified with your first baby (giving birth) because you don't know what to expect, and you're terrified with your second because you do. I think that applies equally well here.

Most of you have been informed, and if you're reading this and I hadn't told you, I apologize for the insensitive method of communication.

For those who don't know my history, this is round two. Ding! Not to say I'm pessimistic about the experience, in fact, quite the opposite. Although my experience with cancer the first time, seven years ago, was no picnic, I feel confident that this round (ding!) will be anti-climactic. The problem? Not knowing. I don't want to be blindsided with bad news, but I don't want to over-stress myself, either. Oops. Probably too late on that one.

The update is that I meet with my second surgeon today to set a date for an MRI. I will post more information after that is set. The purpose of the MRI is to determine if there's any "activity" in the areas of concern (about 6 small, fibroid-type masses that were discovered by sonogram, not self-exam or mammo). If so, a biopsy will be ordered. If the biopsy(ies) show any malignancy, it's at that point that all hell will break loose.

Aside from this being a somewhat rambling, insensitive way to announce to everyone who doesn't already know that my left breast needs "further evaluation," I also want it to serve as a thank you. Thank you, to everyone who has already rallied behind me. Thank you for your prayers, your fast, your thoughts, your good wishes, your tears, your strength, your optimism, your love. You truly have been His hands for me.

My prayer is that none of you will have to receive a letter like this in your life, but if you do, know that I will be there to love and support you through it.
Linda

BRCA1, BRCA2

I'm having "female" troubles. Sigh. The joy of being 40, female, and a cancer survivor. No worries, no cancer scares or anything, but as I met with my OB-GYN this week, we determined that we should test for BRCA1&2, the genetic markers for ovarian cancer to determine whether they should come out or not.

It's a much longer and more complicated story than that, but suffice it to say that I'm not having any more children, and at 40, you get tired of being female in some ways. I'm sure the women reading this will know what I mean.

Without going into too much detail, I'm ready to stop being capable of bearing children, and two of the options for that include hormones, which I cannot take. Hence the genetic testing. Having survived cancer, it makes me nervous to be looking for this kind of thing, even though I suspect there's nothing to tell, and even if the markers are there, removing the ovaries would take care of it. Which is actually a good thing, since ovarian cancer does not have a high survival rate.

Not sure why I'm blogging about this, other than it's been on my mind today because I met with my doctor this morning for the tests, and I'm really very bored at work today. I'd like to go home and just go to bed. I'm exhausted.

I'll keep you all posted if there's anything to be done. If not, you won't hear a peep and all is well.

I love it when my kids recommend books

Riley recommended "Walk Two Moons" a few years ago, and it is still one of my all-time favorites. It's a Newberry winner, and if you've not had a chance to read it, add it to your list.

Lennon just finished reading "Robin Hood" in his 4th-grade class, and he brought home a copy for me (he got permission from his teacher, don't worry). I promised myself a long time ago that if my children recommended a book, I would read it. No questions. I had to Finish "Life of Pi," but now I am happily engaged in the life of Robin, Little John, Maid Marian, and all the Merry Men. It's admittedly a little youthful, but I like that. And it's so much more detail than any of the films. (OK, I confess, I've only seen the Disney version, but you know what I mean.)

There's a fellow here at my work who has two children in college, one at Brown. One semester he made a committment to read the same books they were reading for their college courses. He was a busy fellow, but he came in with the most fascinating stories. I hope that I can do the same some day. I love to read, and it's even more pleasurable when you can share the experience with your children.

I also believe that my brother has a rule that if his children want to see a movie based on a book, they must first read the book. An excellent idea, and one I will have to implement. Um, if I can get my kids to cooperate this late in the game.

So what kids books have you read because of your children? Have you enjoyed them? do you think it's because the book was genuinely fun/great/worthwhile, or more because your kid asked you to read it? I find that a recommendation by my children carries a lot of weight with me. But maybe that's only because I'm so flattered they would include me.

TMI?

My son was in the restroom yesterday, and I needed him for something, so I asked if he was about done. He said (and he'll kill me for repeating this, hence no mention of names), "I'm just wiping." I told him that was too much information, and he responded, "Why? You used to wipe me."

You can't help but love logic like that.

Chillin' in Cali

Just spent some time with Little Man, Beth, and Dom. What a treat. It was so nice to go and experience central Cali weather, fresh produce from the farmers' market, great cooking by everyone I encountered, fun shopping, beautiful beaches, and lots of fun games!

We stayed up way too late, chatted up a storm, and just had a wonderful time. My only complaint? Not long enough. But I kept thinking how the boys (all 3) would love it there, and that next time we shall have to drive there and spend more time.

Thanks to Beth, Dom, and Aidan for being excellent hosts. Come stay with us soon, won't you? I also took some pictures of their home so we can copy them in our remodel. ;)

The final diet update

I weighed in this morning at 168.8, which is great because I've dropped off the "extreme" protein and am eating just a normal diet now, sans sugar, except in moderate doses. I've fluctuated between 168 and 170, and am happy. Would I like to weigh less? I suppose, but I feel healthy and am still working out and striving for a healthier lifestyle, and so am good with where I am. I don't plan to post regarding this again unless something exciting happens. :)

As a side note, I found this bit of information helpful, albeit not really unexpected. Gonna go get me some (well, except for the wine and tea, of course)! This is taken from the South Beach web site:

20 Unexpected Antioxidant-Rich Foods
There's been a lot of press lately on the benefits of antioxidants, the cell-protecting nutrients found in a wide range of foods that help combat heart disease, cancer, the effects of aging, and other conditions. To help you add more disease-fighting antioxidants to your diet, we’ve created this quick, alphabetical list of 20 foods you may not have realized are excellent sources of antioxidants.

Note: To get the most from your meals, be sure to eat a wide variety of these foods. Those listed are recommended for all Phases, except fruits, dark chocolate, wine, and sweet potatoes, which you can enjoy starting in Phase 2.

Apples (Fuji, Gala, Granny Smith, Delicious, with skin)
Artichokes (cooked)
Beans (black, red kidney, pinto, dried)
Blackberries
Blueberries (cultivated, wild)
Cherries (sweet)
Chocolate (dark)
Cranberries
Cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, brussels sprout, cauliflower, kale)
Pecans
Plums (black, red)
Pomegranates
Prunes
Raspberries
Strawberries
Sweet potatoes
Tea (black, green, white, oolong)
Tomatoes
Walnuts
Wine (red)

MS wasn't even on my radar

I do not have MS. That's the best news coming out of my visit to the Hearing and Balance Center. Other items of note:

Fit people usually feel effects of imbalance quickly, and more extremely. I'm flattered, I guess.

Anxiety (which I seem to have in spades) contributes to the dizziness, which then makes the anxiety worse, which would explain the full-on panic attack in the stairwell yesterday. Thanks to my family for watching out for me.

My doctor suspects I suffer from migraines, without the headaches. The "pitching forward" effect can be an indicator of this, and I know I've had an ocular migraine before.

There was another point she made, but my notes are at home. If it's important, I may add it later.

The prognosis? All good, aside from no quick fix. My neurological and central nervous systems are both healthy, and my inner ears are fine. Whatever disturbed my balancing ability has come and gone, but my mind and body have been left unsure of their ability to balance. If I'm still having symptoms in a month, I'm to return and get some rehab, or "balancing therapy."

She says I may get worse before I get better, which is actually a good sign. Like taking off the training wheels for the first time, when you're incredibly wobbly, but on your way to smooth riding. I'm also to return if I have 3 days of spinning, which would indicated loose rocks again.

For now, I'm to return to regular activities and work on resetting my balance system myself. She gave me some pointers, and I think it will work out fine. A month away from work should help immensely. If not directly with the dizziness, at least with the anxiety, which should have a secondary impact.

For those of you who suffer from chronic dizziness, I highly recommend the IHC Hearing and Balance Center in downtown SLC. Amazing doctor, great facility, and I feel confident I will recover.

Again, thanks to family and friends for their wonderful support (sometimes literally!). I love you all and thank you.

Dizziness is overrated

Dad called this morning to see how I'm doing with the dizziness. I was great over the weekend, but have been dizzy this morning, so I told him I must be allergic to work. He laughed. I don't think I have big enough antihistamines...

The Poisonwood Bible

I'm reading "the Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. I was skeptical when I started the book, but everyone I'd spoken to said it started out a little rough, and to just hang with it, that it gets better. Well, I'm just over halfway through the book now and am enjoying it thoroughly.

One of the best things I've read in it thus far is a comment one of the characters makes about the recent Congolese election. He says the Congolese people struggle with the idea that if a candidate gets 50 votes, and the other gets 49, how the one could possibly be declared the winner. Their feeling is that then almost half the people will be unhappy, and there will be trouble down the road. Therefore, the chiefs of each village work tirelessly to compromise, discuss, and even argue until there was unity in everyone's decision. I read the passage to Ed and told him that's what's wrong with our country right now--all division and little unity, as far as politics are concerned. The one side won't work with the other, and the other doesn't want them too anyway. I mentioned maybe it would be a good idea to go back to having the winner be the president and the runner up the vice president. He said, "We used to do that?" :)

I recommend the Poisonwood Bible, even though I haven't finished it. It has some really great lessons in it about loving your neighbor.

Diet update

I'm still progressing toward my goal weight. Considering I gained 3 pounds while at the conference in San Diego, I'm pleased to announce that I'm down 2 1/2 pounds now. Why is it easier to gain weight than lose it? Sheesh. I'm at 167.2, a total of 16 lbs lost from when I began. I'd like to get down to 155, but if I stay where I am now I'd be happy.

It's a strange thing, this having to watch what I eat. I've never had to do it in my life. What a rude awakening. I am grateful though, because it's been a great reminder that we need to take care of our bodies. Ed's even participating, and has been eating better.

Now if I can just figure out the dizziness problem. Dad and Tom and Ryan gave me a blessing the other night when I went to see Carmen et al. It was nice, and he encouraged me that I would find a solution and be ok. I suspect my B12 and B6 shots as contributing, which makes me sad because they really help with my depression. Tough choices ahead.

I'm dizzy (no, really)

From my journal entry June 22:
I’ve been having dizzy spells for about 10 days now. At first they were sporadic, but they’ve slowly gotten constant over the last few days. I tell you, I can’t take it anymore. Not really. I’m fine, just having a hard time coping with feeling like I’m going to topple at any minute. This isn’t quite as severe as the first go-round with my meds, but I’m pretty certain the cause is the same. I called Dr. Loffler and he’s out of the office until July 1. The lady said she’d discuss it with another doctor and have him call me. We’ll see what happens. If it’s this bad tomorrow or any worse, I’ll probably just go see my MD if the other doc hasn’t called me. I also have a whomper of a headache, which never helps anything.

The conference was fun and informative, despite all of the snafus we encountered. I’m tired of telling the stories though, so you’ll just have to wonder.


Wednesday, June 24
I’m still dizzy, but it seems to be letting up some. I heard back from Dr. Banks, and he didn’t seem to think my meds are the cause. I told him if it continued for another couple of days that I would call my MD. I’ll go in Friday if it’s still a problem. It’s weird—when I’m sitting up or standing it’s the worst. If I’m lying down I don’t notice it at all. I wonder if it’s inner ear or something. Oh well. No worries until I go to the doctor, right?

I’m incredibly bored at work right now. I hate it. There are plenty of things I could do, I just don’t have the motivation or interest. I simply don’t care. I told Ed that this schedule (flex time and all, but early mornings) is killing me. We both agreed that coming back from the conference was a real slap in the face. I told him it was like diving into ice water; he countered by saying it was like jumping in with a bunch of crocodiles and piranha. :) Yes, we’re feeling the strain, but at least we’re in it together, ha ha. We talked about me going part-time, but that has yet to be explored. I would LOVE it. Now if I can just convince my bosses that it would be a good thing. Hmm.

Postscript to this post:
My doctor recommended I take my antihistamines again. That was the only difference in what I'd been doing that he could determine. At least that's what I figure. I've had no headaches, I'm not nauseated, I could track his finger fine, etc. Just dizzy. I took the antihistamines and it helped for about 4 days, then it started up again. I finally had Dad, Tom, and Ryan give me a blessing.

Bee haven

Our bees are doing great! I have been so awful about posting any pics, and I apologize. This one was stolen from a random web site, so credit to whomever took it. It wasn't me, but it should be a Minnesota variety, which is what we have.

One of my favorite activities of late is to just go out and sit next to the hive and watch them come and go. They have such a soothing little hum, and it's fun to see the different colors of pollen they bring back to the hive.

The honey supers have been placed; the hive is now about twice as tall as it was to begin with. The queen is doing her job splendidly and all the bees are busy little... well, bees.

We've placed two water sources for them, and neither seems to be popular. Not sure what to do about that. Whenever I water the garden a bee or two will stop to drink up moisture from around the plants, but overall they don't seem to be drawn to either our water-filled hummingbird feeder or the pan full of water (don't worry--we have rocks in the pan to give them something to stand on. Bees can't swim).

That's it for now. If any of you would like to pop over and check them out, please stop by. It really is a great thing to see.

Diet Update

All my life people have given me the look or statement of disbelief when I tell them how much I weigh. Even in junior high, people usually thought I weighed about 20 pounds less than I did. I don't know why that is; maybe it's height, maybe it's muscle, I don't know. But for what it's worth, I started dieting at 183 pounds. I've experimented a bit with what my body can handle as far as "sweet load," monitored my body fat content, and have discovered things that keep me sated (satiated?) longer and what exercises have been most helpful.

The most disturbing thing about it all is how easily we lose muscle. My body fat content has fluctuated right along with my muscle mass, and I've found that walking and doing yoga is barely enough to keep my muscles where I like them. I simply need to lift weights. End of discussion.

The update: I weighed in at 168 yesterday, meaning 15 pounds total. As stated above, I've watched my body fat/lean body mass ratio fluctuate some, and I've found that South Beach actually helped bring me back in line. But it is nice to feel smaller overall, and to weigh less. Even with 7% "excess" body fat. What I've found amusing is that my "target" weight (according to my body analysis readouts) also continues to change. Because I'm losing both body fat and lean body mass at varying ratios, my target weight has gone from 166 to 153 to 151. More work to be done, apparently, and more weights to be lifted. :)

As long as I can stay the course with healthy meals and minimal refined foods, I think I'll be fine. I like the way I eat now. I had some pizza with the boys Sunday night and I thought I was going to die. It made me feel just awful.

I will stick with it, and continue to post updates. Maybe someday Ann won't fall out of her chair when I tell her how much I weigh. Of course, it can be kind of fun to blow people's minds like that. Ha ha. I'm wicked.

Every member a missionary

I love missionary work. It's so cool. I am constantly amazed at how the gospel of Jesus Christ changes people's lives. I have a friend here at work who had been taking the missionary discussions, but stopped for some reason. She was talking to me about it, and we had a great discussion about the Church and some of the things she had learned. I asked if she had been to church yet, and she said no. I told her I would be happy to pick her up Sunday and bring her to my ward if she was interested, and she enthusiastically agreed.

Sunday morning I picked up her and her 4-year-old son, Jared. Sacrament meeting was long for him, but I had some books and Cheerios, so all was well. She joined us in Primary, and Jared had a ball. There's another Jared in Primary, and after watching him, my friend decided that there must be something in the name, because both boys were very energetic!

After Sharing Time, I offered to take Jared to class, which made him a little nervous, so I took him and his Mom down to Relief Society. Once he realized there were no kids there, he willingly went to class. He seemed to have a great time, and Norma enjoyed herself too. But that's not the end of the story. Norma had explained that the missionaries hadn't been by her house for weeks, and that she was considering calling them again. She had told me that Jared had been having night fevers, and I encouraged her to call the missionaries so they could give him a blessing. She agreed that that was a good idea.

After we dropped her off at home, the boys and I noticed the missionaries walking down the street not far from her home. I said a quick little prayer asking that they go by and visit her. We then went home and pretty much forgot all about it.

This morning Norma stopped in my office to tell me how crazy it was that the missionaries happened to stop by her house that afternoon. I grinned and told her she didn't know the half of it. I explained how we had seen them and about my prayer. She broke out in goosebumps.

She and her husband will be attending the ward in their neighborhood this Sunday. Her only "negative" comment about church? She didn't like Sacrament meeting too much because she wanted them to talk about the "Mormon book" more. :) I told her to go to Sunday School, specifically Gospel Essentials, if her ward has that class.

Gotta run. Peace out.

Ed's Jewish?

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I was just reading Brenna's blog, and she put up a hilarious quote by Madison, and it made me think of an exchange among my family recently.

Those of you who know Ed probably know that he was born in a small town about 40 miles outside Richmond, VA, called "Amelia." It's a really cool place, and one that I hope to visit with him again sometime.

About a year ago or more, Lennon said something about his Dad (Ed) being Jewish. We were stumped. I told him that Daddy doesn't subscribe to any religion in particular, and we kind of left it at that.

For some reason, it came up again the other night. We realized that Lennon's old enough now to probably know why he thought that, so we asked. His reply? "Because he was born in that place. Y'know, Julia."

How do you deal with stress/crises?

We had two of the busiest weeks at my work, which just ended. I'm utterly and completely exhausted. I've learned about myself that when there's a crisis, a lot of stress, pressure, or some huge thing that needs to be taken care of, I'm cool as a cucumber throughout, but once the crisis is over, I fall apart. I think I'm crashing now...

How do you deal with these things? Are you the type to get hysterical when your child needs stitches, or do you stay calm and in control until after the fact? Do you stay numb? I'm interested to know.