Chillin' in Cali

Just spent some time with Little Man, Beth, and Dom. What a treat. It was so nice to go and experience central Cali weather, fresh produce from the farmers' market, great cooking by everyone I encountered, fun shopping, beautiful beaches, and lots of fun games!

We stayed up way too late, chatted up a storm, and just had a wonderful time. My only complaint? Not long enough. But I kept thinking how the boys (all 3) would love it there, and that next time we shall have to drive there and spend more time.

Thanks to Beth, Dom, and Aidan for being excellent hosts. Come stay with us soon, won't you? I also took some pictures of their home so we can copy them in our remodel. ;)

The final diet update

I weighed in this morning at 168.8, which is great because I've dropped off the "extreme" protein and am eating just a normal diet now, sans sugar, except in moderate doses. I've fluctuated between 168 and 170, and am happy. Would I like to weigh less? I suppose, but I feel healthy and am still working out and striving for a healthier lifestyle, and so am good with where I am. I don't plan to post regarding this again unless something exciting happens. :)

As a side note, I found this bit of information helpful, albeit not really unexpected. Gonna go get me some (well, except for the wine and tea, of course)! This is taken from the South Beach web site:

20 Unexpected Antioxidant-Rich Foods
There's been a lot of press lately on the benefits of antioxidants, the cell-protecting nutrients found in a wide range of foods that help combat heart disease, cancer, the effects of aging, and other conditions. To help you add more disease-fighting antioxidants to your diet, we’ve created this quick, alphabetical list of 20 foods you may not have realized are excellent sources of antioxidants.

Note: To get the most from your meals, be sure to eat a wide variety of these foods. Those listed are recommended for all Phases, except fruits, dark chocolate, wine, and sweet potatoes, which you can enjoy starting in Phase 2.

Apples (Fuji, Gala, Granny Smith, Delicious, with skin)
Artichokes (cooked)
Beans (black, red kidney, pinto, dried)
Blackberries
Blueberries (cultivated, wild)
Cherries (sweet)
Chocolate (dark)
Cranberries
Cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, brussels sprout, cauliflower, kale)
Pecans
Plums (black, red)
Pomegranates
Prunes
Raspberries
Strawberries
Sweet potatoes
Tea (black, green, white, oolong)
Tomatoes
Walnuts
Wine (red)

MS wasn't even on my radar

I do not have MS. That's the best news coming out of my visit to the Hearing and Balance Center. Other items of note:

Fit people usually feel effects of imbalance quickly, and more extremely. I'm flattered, I guess.

Anxiety (which I seem to have in spades) contributes to the dizziness, which then makes the anxiety worse, which would explain the full-on panic attack in the stairwell yesterday. Thanks to my family for watching out for me.

My doctor suspects I suffer from migraines, without the headaches. The "pitching forward" effect can be an indicator of this, and I know I've had an ocular migraine before.

There was another point she made, but my notes are at home. If it's important, I may add it later.

The prognosis? All good, aside from no quick fix. My neurological and central nervous systems are both healthy, and my inner ears are fine. Whatever disturbed my balancing ability has come and gone, but my mind and body have been left unsure of their ability to balance. If I'm still having symptoms in a month, I'm to return and get some rehab, or "balancing therapy."

She says I may get worse before I get better, which is actually a good sign. Like taking off the training wheels for the first time, when you're incredibly wobbly, but on your way to smooth riding. I'm also to return if I have 3 days of spinning, which would indicated loose rocks again.

For now, I'm to return to regular activities and work on resetting my balance system myself. She gave me some pointers, and I think it will work out fine. A month away from work should help immensely. If not directly with the dizziness, at least with the anxiety, which should have a secondary impact.

For those of you who suffer from chronic dizziness, I highly recommend the IHC Hearing and Balance Center in downtown SLC. Amazing doctor, great facility, and I feel confident I will recover.

Again, thanks to family and friends for their wonderful support (sometimes literally!). I love you all and thank you.

Dizziness is overrated

Dad called this morning to see how I'm doing with the dizziness. I was great over the weekend, but have been dizzy this morning, so I told him I must be allergic to work. He laughed. I don't think I have big enough antihistamines...

The Poisonwood Bible

I'm reading "the Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. I was skeptical when I started the book, but everyone I'd spoken to said it started out a little rough, and to just hang with it, that it gets better. Well, I'm just over halfway through the book now and am enjoying it thoroughly.

One of the best things I've read in it thus far is a comment one of the characters makes about the recent Congolese election. He says the Congolese people struggle with the idea that if a candidate gets 50 votes, and the other gets 49, how the one could possibly be declared the winner. Their feeling is that then almost half the people will be unhappy, and there will be trouble down the road. Therefore, the chiefs of each village work tirelessly to compromise, discuss, and even argue until there was unity in everyone's decision. I read the passage to Ed and told him that's what's wrong with our country right now--all division and little unity, as far as politics are concerned. The one side won't work with the other, and the other doesn't want them too anyway. I mentioned maybe it would be a good idea to go back to having the winner be the president and the runner up the vice president. He said, "We used to do that?" :)

I recommend the Poisonwood Bible, even though I haven't finished it. It has some really great lessons in it about loving your neighbor.

Diet update

I'm still progressing toward my goal weight. Considering I gained 3 pounds while at the conference in San Diego, I'm pleased to announce that I'm down 2 1/2 pounds now. Why is it easier to gain weight than lose it? Sheesh. I'm at 167.2, a total of 16 lbs lost from when I began. I'd like to get down to 155, but if I stay where I am now I'd be happy.

It's a strange thing, this having to watch what I eat. I've never had to do it in my life. What a rude awakening. I am grateful though, because it's been a great reminder that we need to take care of our bodies. Ed's even participating, and has been eating better.

Now if I can just figure out the dizziness problem. Dad and Tom and Ryan gave me a blessing the other night when I went to see Carmen et al. It was nice, and he encouraged me that I would find a solution and be ok. I suspect my B12 and B6 shots as contributing, which makes me sad because they really help with my depression. Tough choices ahead.

I'm dizzy (no, really)

From my journal entry June 22:
I’ve been having dizzy spells for about 10 days now. At first they were sporadic, but they’ve slowly gotten constant over the last few days. I tell you, I can’t take it anymore. Not really. I’m fine, just having a hard time coping with feeling like I’m going to topple at any minute. This isn’t quite as severe as the first go-round with my meds, but I’m pretty certain the cause is the same. I called Dr. Loffler and he’s out of the office until July 1. The lady said she’d discuss it with another doctor and have him call me. We’ll see what happens. If it’s this bad tomorrow or any worse, I’ll probably just go see my MD if the other doc hasn’t called me. I also have a whomper of a headache, which never helps anything.

The conference was fun and informative, despite all of the snafus we encountered. I’m tired of telling the stories though, so you’ll just have to wonder.


Wednesday, June 24
I’m still dizzy, but it seems to be letting up some. I heard back from Dr. Banks, and he didn’t seem to think my meds are the cause. I told him if it continued for another couple of days that I would call my MD. I’ll go in Friday if it’s still a problem. It’s weird—when I’m sitting up or standing it’s the worst. If I’m lying down I don’t notice it at all. I wonder if it’s inner ear or something. Oh well. No worries until I go to the doctor, right?

I’m incredibly bored at work right now. I hate it. There are plenty of things I could do, I just don’t have the motivation or interest. I simply don’t care. I told Ed that this schedule (flex time and all, but early mornings) is killing me. We both agreed that coming back from the conference was a real slap in the face. I told him it was like diving into ice water; he countered by saying it was like jumping in with a bunch of crocodiles and piranha. :) Yes, we’re feeling the strain, but at least we’re in it together, ha ha. We talked about me going part-time, but that has yet to be explored. I would LOVE it. Now if I can just convince my bosses that it would be a good thing. Hmm.

Postscript to this post:
My doctor recommended I take my antihistamines again. That was the only difference in what I'd been doing that he could determine. At least that's what I figure. I've had no headaches, I'm not nauseated, I could track his finger fine, etc. Just dizzy. I took the antihistamines and it helped for about 4 days, then it started up again. I finally had Dad, Tom, and Ryan give me a blessing.

Bee haven

Our bees are doing great! I have been so awful about posting any pics, and I apologize. This one was stolen from a random web site, so credit to whomever took it. It wasn't me, but it should be a Minnesota variety, which is what we have.

One of my favorite activities of late is to just go out and sit next to the hive and watch them come and go. They have such a soothing little hum, and it's fun to see the different colors of pollen they bring back to the hive.

The honey supers have been placed; the hive is now about twice as tall as it was to begin with. The queen is doing her job splendidly and all the bees are busy little... well, bees.

We've placed two water sources for them, and neither seems to be popular. Not sure what to do about that. Whenever I water the garden a bee or two will stop to drink up moisture from around the plants, but overall they don't seem to be drawn to either our water-filled hummingbird feeder or the pan full of water (don't worry--we have rocks in the pan to give them something to stand on. Bees can't swim).

That's it for now. If any of you would like to pop over and check them out, please stop by. It really is a great thing to see.

Diet Update

All my life people have given me the look or statement of disbelief when I tell them how much I weigh. Even in junior high, people usually thought I weighed about 20 pounds less than I did. I don't know why that is; maybe it's height, maybe it's muscle, I don't know. But for what it's worth, I started dieting at 183 pounds. I've experimented a bit with what my body can handle as far as "sweet load," monitored my body fat content, and have discovered things that keep me sated (satiated?) longer and what exercises have been most helpful.

The most disturbing thing about it all is how easily we lose muscle. My body fat content has fluctuated right along with my muscle mass, and I've found that walking and doing yoga is barely enough to keep my muscles where I like them. I simply need to lift weights. End of discussion.

The update: I weighed in at 168 yesterday, meaning 15 pounds total. As stated above, I've watched my body fat/lean body mass ratio fluctuate some, and I've found that South Beach actually helped bring me back in line. But it is nice to feel smaller overall, and to weigh less. Even with 7% "excess" body fat. What I've found amusing is that my "target" weight (according to my body analysis readouts) also continues to change. Because I'm losing both body fat and lean body mass at varying ratios, my target weight has gone from 166 to 153 to 151. More work to be done, apparently, and more weights to be lifted. :)

As long as I can stay the course with healthy meals and minimal refined foods, I think I'll be fine. I like the way I eat now. I had some pizza with the boys Sunday night and I thought I was going to die. It made me feel just awful.

I will stick with it, and continue to post updates. Maybe someday Ann won't fall out of her chair when I tell her how much I weigh. Of course, it can be kind of fun to blow people's minds like that. Ha ha. I'm wicked.

Every member a missionary

I love missionary work. It's so cool. I am constantly amazed at how the gospel of Jesus Christ changes people's lives. I have a friend here at work who had been taking the missionary discussions, but stopped for some reason. She was talking to me about it, and we had a great discussion about the Church and some of the things she had learned. I asked if she had been to church yet, and she said no. I told her I would be happy to pick her up Sunday and bring her to my ward if she was interested, and she enthusiastically agreed.

Sunday morning I picked up her and her 4-year-old son, Jared. Sacrament meeting was long for him, but I had some books and Cheerios, so all was well. She joined us in Primary, and Jared had a ball. There's another Jared in Primary, and after watching him, my friend decided that there must be something in the name, because both boys were very energetic!

After Sharing Time, I offered to take Jared to class, which made him a little nervous, so I took him and his Mom down to Relief Society. Once he realized there were no kids there, he willingly went to class. He seemed to have a great time, and Norma enjoyed herself too. But that's not the end of the story. Norma had explained that the missionaries hadn't been by her house for weeks, and that she was considering calling them again. She had told me that Jared had been having night fevers, and I encouraged her to call the missionaries so they could give him a blessing. She agreed that that was a good idea.

After we dropped her off at home, the boys and I noticed the missionaries walking down the street not far from her home. I said a quick little prayer asking that they go by and visit her. We then went home and pretty much forgot all about it.

This morning Norma stopped in my office to tell me how crazy it was that the missionaries happened to stop by her house that afternoon. I grinned and told her she didn't know the half of it. I explained how we had seen them and about my prayer. She broke out in goosebumps.

She and her husband will be attending the ward in their neighborhood this Sunday. Her only "negative" comment about church? She didn't like Sacrament meeting too much because she wanted them to talk about the "Mormon book" more. :) I told her to go to Sunday School, specifically Gospel Essentials, if her ward has that class.

Gotta run. Peace out.

Ed's Jewish?

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I was just reading Brenna's blog, and she put up a hilarious quote by Madison, and it made me think of an exchange among my family recently.

Those of you who know Ed probably know that he was born in a small town about 40 miles outside Richmond, VA, called "Amelia." It's a really cool place, and one that I hope to visit with him again sometime.

About a year ago or more, Lennon said something about his Dad (Ed) being Jewish. We were stumped. I told him that Daddy doesn't subscribe to any religion in particular, and we kind of left it at that.

For some reason, it came up again the other night. We realized that Lennon's old enough now to probably know why he thought that, so we asked. His reply? "Because he was born in that place. Y'know, Julia."

How do you deal with stress/crises?

We had two of the busiest weeks at my work, which just ended. I'm utterly and completely exhausted. I've learned about myself that when there's a crisis, a lot of stress, pressure, or some huge thing that needs to be taken care of, I'm cool as a cucumber throughout, but once the crisis is over, I fall apart. I think I'm crashing now...

How do you deal with these things? Are you the type to get hysterical when your child needs stitches, or do you stay calm and in control until after the fact? Do you stay numb? I'm interested to know.

I really do like taking pictures

Taking pictures. Sigh. What was once a fun-filled, lovely pastime has become a necessity and drudgery. It's not entirely unpleasant, but when I'm required to do something, it tends to not be as fun. Sometimes. Like in the case of taking photos.

Today, however, I went out to the new expansion of the Garden Park at my work and took some pictures. And I enjoyed myself! I'm sure it was in part because it wasn't raining, which is huge news. I feel like a duck, but that's beside the point.

So here for your enjoyment (or not) are some of the pictures I took. I hope you have as much fun viewing them as I had taking them, but I kinda doubt you will. I really enjoyed myself. :)

I got to be on TV!

I got to be on Studio 5 this morning, and it was a lot of fun. Those type of things have never made be nervous. I got to do some commercials as a teenager for ZCMI, too. That was fun.

I really think interviews for the newspaper make me more nervous, because you never know how they're going to tell the story.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun.

The real diet update

I went to the clinic today, where they tested my body fat to lean body mass composition. I have lost 12 pounds of body fat--woohoo! When I started this diet one month ago, I lost a lot of water weight during the detox phase. Since then, I've lost only four more pounds, but it looks like I've lost more fat and gained a little more water. I'm ok with water. Also when I started, I had 9 percent excess body fat; I'm now down to 3 percent excess. Very cool.

The trick to burning the fat, apparently, is in the ratio of protein ingested versus carbs. To continue my weight loss, they've got me on a 3 to 1 protein to carb ratio for meals (and all carbs have been vegetables or greens), with a fruit snack in the morning and an equal-ratio protein to carb snack in the afternoon.

My target weight has been pegged at 166 pounds. I currently weigh 173 pounds (down from 183 at the start), and my clothes are starting to fit pretty loosely. They were getting really snug. I told them at the clinic that I would like to weigh 155, but I'm thinking 166 is sounding pretty good. We'll see. I've never been a scale watcher, and people have always told me I look great, even at my heaviest. But I am feeling healthier and healthier. Now if I could just get this darn cold to go away...

Diet update

I go in for my checkup Monday, but I just wanted to give a quick update. A more thorough update is forthcoming, after my checkup. Ten pounds since March 6, with six of those lost in the detox phase, which was the first five days. That's just about a pound a week, which I think is sustainable. And still, no cravings for sugar. I have a chocolate (or two) here and there, and even made some cookies the other day, but overall I feel really good. I enjoyed the cookies, but didn't eat the whole batch in two days, like I normally would. They made me kind of sick, if you want the truth, even with whole wheat flour and half the sugar. Let's hope that sticks.

I purchased a couple of South Beach cookbooks, and will shop for the ingredients tonight. Yum. I can hardly wait to try some yummy new recipes. I'm also enjoying emailing back and forth with three of my sisters what we eat for the day. Beth, you wanna play?

What's in a name?

I got bored today, or something, because as I was flipping through my facebook friends, I wondered which of all my friends' names would appear the most. I know, I know--you don't have to say anything. The winners are:

Brian
Gary (one with 2 R's. Still count?)
Matthew
Michael (one Mike)
Paul
Todd

There were three of each. No women? Weird. I guess if you count me, there are three Lindas. Cool, huh?

On another, totally unrelated note, the last time I visited my hairdresser she told me she "like[d] my natural highlights." Guess it's a good thing I didn't color all of those grays, huh?

A time for reflection, a time for love

I have been asked to speak in my ward this Sunday, on of all things, reactivation. To those of you who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that word means something specific. For those of you who are not, reactivation simply refers to members who have started coming back to church after not coming for some period of time. Active=going and participating; inactive=not going or participating. There are varying levels of both.

For those of you who may not know much about me, I have always been a member of the LDS church, but was "inactive" for about 17 years. During that time, I met and married my wonderful husband, Ed, and we had 2 beautiful sons. If there's interest, I'd be glad to post about my "re-activation," but for time's sake, I'll defer that story for now.

Suffice it to say that I guess because I've been both inactive and re-activated, they saw me as a good candidate to speak on the subject. I guess so, but all I really know is my personal experience. I cannot speak for others who have decided to leave the church. Everyone has their own personal experiences, reasons, problems, life choices, etc. that may or may not lead them to that decision. However, I agreed to speak.

As I've thought about this assignment/topic, two words kept coming to mind: love and choice ("agency," for those who speak the nomenclature). The two things that have stood out to me most as I think about this topic are, that first and foremost, we need to love our neighbors, period. There can be no, "Gosh, if I treat this neighbor kindly enough, maybe they'll come back to church." They'll see you coming, guaranteed. Secondly, even if we learn to love our neighbors "in spite of" their choices (this is said tongue in cheek, because I really feel strongly about it), they still have just that: the right to choose. And it is their choice. And again, they will see you coming.

Let me quote from my brother here, who posted this on his web site, and I think it's beautifully written. He's talking about his experience serving in the bishopric of his ward:

"I found that I loved conversing with people about the things that were most important to them, and above all I learned that when it comes down to it, people just want . . . to be loved. And that is what Christ provides for us all--love. The Atonement is an act of perfect love and enables us to spread the love of Christ to all. We can love and serve, and if we love and serve, eventually the Father's plan will be carried out. Love and service coupled with an understanding of our purpose can enable us to achieve amazing things that benefit us as individuals, our families, our neighbors and society in general. Not surprising that that is how the Father works."

Beautiful, and simple. Really, it is. The gospel plan really is stunning in its simplicity. As I thought about this topic, the Lord--in His tender mercy--opened for me Doctrine & Covenants section 4, where I found the following (I've left the scriptural cross references embedded because it was easier than removing them all):

"For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;
"And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work.
"Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence.
"Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

As I read this passage, it occurred to me that it's all right there, specifically in verse 6. Besides the words I chose (love and choice), think about it: faith, virtue, knowledge, temperence, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Living and embracing any of these qualities by themselves will certainly make us a better person. But altogther? Prepare yourself to be translated! Ok, kidding on that part. But seriously, if we endeavor to embody these attributes, it will cease to be about "reactivating" our neighbors, and start to be about loving them. In the purest sense. And once we love them purely, our ability to serve them will increase, which in turn might just change all of our lives.

I look forward to speaking on Sunday. I love the fact that people were in certain places at the right time to touch my heart in such a way that I was open to coming back to church. I know that there were many who helped me along that path. I am happier, more peaceful, and more grateful now than at any time in my life. I attribute that to my membership in the LDS church, which I hold dear.

If you want the simple answer as to what changed my mind, I would guess it's the same or similar for everyone: an answer to a prayer. I've often contemplated that that is really the only difference between those who know and those who don't. Maybe it's the case, maybe not, but for me it is.

A side note about my husband. He is not a member of the church, which does not matter to me. I have had moments where I've struggled with that, but ultimately it comes down to the fact that I love him, period. He has expressly declined any work being done for his parents, and he has told me up front that when he dies, he doesn't want any work done for him. I totally respect that. And I love him. He's one of the few people I know who truly embodies many of the attributes listed above. And I've even had to tell some ward friends and familyto back off and leave him alone. He's made his choice, and he's entitled to it. After all, pure love is pure, and agency is the greatest gift of all. This little exercise has been a good reminder for me, so if that's what this has been about, then I'm grateful.

So, regarding reactivation, it is my proposal that we all love our neighbors even if they choose not to come back. Are you ready for that? If you are, get on board. There's lots of lovin' out there to be done. Join me.

Dieting: more difficult than being overweight?

Yes. A resounding yes. Of course, if being overweight was difficult, far less people would be overweight, right? I realized many months ago that I was experiencing the "obesity creep," wherein you slowly gain weight over time, not realizing what's going on until you have to start buying all new clothes, and you just can't quite do all the things you used to be able to do.

I could blame the situation on anti-depressants (and have), but that's kind of a copout. So I finally decided to do something about it. Not being one to try things timidly, I jumped in with both feet--went to a weight-loss clinic and everything. I learned quite a bit, and the first five days were the "detox" phase. I lost six pounds, but it about killed me. Now that things have leveled off, I'm still gradually losing, but maintaining my sanity. :) I'd tell you how much I've lost, but we don't have a scale at home, so I'll have to keep you posted monthly, as I weigh in. Most people say, "But you look fine! Why are you trying to lose weight?" Well, when you're 2 sizes bigger than you were three years ago, it's time to evaluate where you want to be in another three years. Certainly not another 2 sizes bigger.

Some things I learned: soda is the biggest problem for most overweight people. I don't drink soda, so score one for me! One less thing to give up. The other big deal is not eating breakfast. Not a problem here, either. I always eat breakfast. What I did learn for me, is that carbs take way fewer calories to digest than protein, so I am now on a high-protein diet to kick in the metabolism, and it's working. I had worries about my kidneys and all that, but if I stay up with the required water and fresh veggies intake, I do fine. There have been, however, some other, unforeseen side effects. Once I lose the weight and reach my goal, I should be able to increase my carbs and revert to a "normal" diet. I.e., a more healthy one than before, which for me means leaving alone the sweets!

Here are the drawbacks I've experienced:
Drier skin. In fact, everything feels drier. Hair, nails, eyes, everything. Solution: increase the olive oil intake. Check. Doing better.

Destruction of good flora in the intestinal tract. Solution: start eating plain yogurt as my afternoon snack, instead of a cheese stick. Check. Doing better.

Cold sores. Solution: start taking L-lysine. Check. Doing better.

High metabolism means less sleep. The energy your body can generate is amazing. Still working on a solution to this one. :)

So, there are the cons to dieting. The pros? Still losing weight, and am actually able to wear a pair of pants today that I haven't worn in over a year. Plus, I don't crave sweets anymore. Not in the least. Give me an orange or grapefruit or apple or pear and I'm in heaven.

Is it worth it? I'll let you know when I'm back on a stable diet (I'm thinking South Beach. I ordered their cookbooks yesterday). Maintaining the weight loss will be key, and I certainly hope that I won't have endured all of this for naught. Wish me luck.

Best present ever

I turn 40 on Tuesday, and I'm actually looking forward to it.

For those of you who know Ed, you might know that he is really good at surprises. I can honestly say that he has surprised more times than not over the years, and has always been so in tune. I just love him.

A bunch of co-workers and I had gone to lunch to belatedly celebrate Bart's birthday, and it was really nice. Marilyn informed me at lunch that Richard wanted to meet with me that afternoon about some project (she didn't know what) and said she had sent me an appointment. After we got back, my friend and co-worker, Brian, came by to have me proofread some of his work. I didn't think twice about it, as he has me do that stuff all the time.

While reviewing it, I got a call from Jeri Deneen to go over some signs that we've been working on. I told Brian I had to take the call, and he left. After a few minutes he popped his head in my office and told me to come to the lunch room when I got a minute. Marilyn had called a few minutes before my appointment with Richard to tell me he was on the phone and that she would call me when he was off. So I figured going to get whatever treat was in the lunchroom would take just a minute and I could then meet with Richard. Because honestly, why else would Brian tell me to come down to the lunch room?

I started down the hall, and Brian was standing outside the lunch room with Marilyn. I thought to myself, "That's a good sign if Marilyn's here- Richard must still be on the phone." But then, she darted back in the lunch room and Brian got quiet. I knew something was up at this point, but I was about 5 feet from the door. I asked Brian what was going on. He just said, "Come in here."

Almost everyone from the admin building was in the lunch room and there were black balloons everywhere and I just couldn't take it all in. I started crying. I couldn't believe my co-workers would have a surprise party for me! As I looked around I was just amazed, and then I noticed my parents in the corner. I said, "My Mom and Dad are here!" As I walked over to them, somebody said, "and your husband!" Then I knew. He had really outdone himself. It was perfect.

I hugged Mom & Dad, and gave Ed the biggest hug ever. Again, it was perfect. I'll download the pictures and post them here, although I think most of it was video, which I'm not sure how to post. It was so much fun. One cake said, "You're older than dirt" and had cake crumbs on the top. What a nice surprise. I LOVE surprises.

A funny note: I hugged everyone in the room, starting with the women. Brian HATES hugs, but he hugged me anyway. It was pure torture for him, I'm sure--especially with everyone watching. I got around to Perry, and he asked, "Will your husband be jealous?" I cracked up. Not Ed.

Way to go, honey. I think I'll keep you. :) Thanks for the best present ever.

Six years and counting

I don't know what it is about hitting your 5-year mark of cancer survival (aside from the obvious), but now that I've passed it, I feel strangely free. Free to mention that I'm a survivor, free to mention how many years it's been, free to rejoice.

For the longest time, there were "it's not a big deal-" or "my cancer was relatively easy-" type explanations. Whereas today, I can state that it was a big deal, and that cancer is no picnic, even if it was easy compared to many others' experiences. For five years it was easier to ignore it, or to downplay it, or to try and pretend it never happened.

However, I have to admit that I'm glad I went through it. Even the most horrible aspects of it--because in the long run, something like that really makes you appreciate life. And even more so, the peace from knowing you have a loving Father in Heaven who is watching over you becomes invaluable.

I'll never forget my husband telling me that it was I who carried him through it all. He speculated that it had something to do with my faith. All I can say to that is, "Honey, you have no idea." :)

So here's to six more years, at least, and to all of you who held my hand, visited me, comforted me, and loved me, even from afar. Thank you for so ably becoming the hands of the Father to help me know that I am watched over and loved. I thank you most humbly and sincerely.

Linda

Touring the Draper temple

I wanted to post a picture, but most were copyrighted and there are plenty out there if you want to see it. I got tickets through my ward, and told the boys we were going Monday afternoon. Lennon insisted that he didn't want to go, and would rather stay home. We had a full day planned, and I just reminded him that the temple is the most sacred place on earth. He ended up going, and at that point insisted that he would bring his scriptures along.

As we walked through the doors, Lennon asked what was making his chest hurt. It was really sweet. He later said it was from his scripture strap. :) Both boys stood in awe in the Celestial room, and later stated that that was their favorite part of the tour. We also had an opportunity to sit in one of the sealing rooms and peer into the "eternal" mirrors. It was pretty cool. I was surprised at how much smaller the rooms were; I guess I was expecting a Jordan River-size temple. This one is quite a bit smaller.

We rode the bus back to where we parked, and Lennon told me he was glad he went. Riley was too, and it was such a pleasure to spend some time in the temple with my boys. Afterwards we stopped at Arby's for dinner. It was a lovely evening.