MS wasn't even on my radar

I do not have MS. That's the best news coming out of my visit to the Hearing and Balance Center. Other items of note:

Fit people usually feel effects of imbalance quickly, and more extremely. I'm flattered, I guess.

Anxiety (which I seem to have in spades) contributes to the dizziness, which then makes the anxiety worse, which would explain the full-on panic attack in the stairwell yesterday. Thanks to my family for watching out for me.

My doctor suspects I suffer from migraines, without the headaches. The "pitching forward" effect can be an indicator of this, and I know I've had an ocular migraine before.

There was another point she made, but my notes are at home. If it's important, I may add it later.

The prognosis? All good, aside from no quick fix. My neurological and central nervous systems are both healthy, and my inner ears are fine. Whatever disturbed my balancing ability has come and gone, but my mind and body have been left unsure of their ability to balance. If I'm still having symptoms in a month, I'm to return and get some rehab, or "balancing therapy."

She says I may get worse before I get better, which is actually a good sign. Like taking off the training wheels for the first time, when you're incredibly wobbly, but on your way to smooth riding. I'm also to return if I have 3 days of spinning, which would indicated loose rocks again.

For now, I'm to return to regular activities and work on resetting my balance system myself. She gave me some pointers, and I think it will work out fine. A month away from work should help immensely. If not directly with the dizziness, at least with the anxiety, which should have a secondary impact.

For those of you who suffer from chronic dizziness, I highly recommend the IHC Hearing and Balance Center in downtown SLC. Amazing doctor, great facility, and I feel confident I will recover.

Again, thanks to family and friends for their wonderful support (sometimes literally!). I love you all and thank you.

Dizziness is overrated

Dad called this morning to see how I'm doing with the dizziness. I was great over the weekend, but have been dizzy this morning, so I told him I must be allergic to work. He laughed. I don't think I have big enough antihistamines...

The Poisonwood Bible

I'm reading "the Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. I was skeptical when I started the book, but everyone I'd spoken to said it started out a little rough, and to just hang with it, that it gets better. Well, I'm just over halfway through the book now and am enjoying it thoroughly.

One of the best things I've read in it thus far is a comment one of the characters makes about the recent Congolese election. He says the Congolese people struggle with the idea that if a candidate gets 50 votes, and the other gets 49, how the one could possibly be declared the winner. Their feeling is that then almost half the people will be unhappy, and there will be trouble down the road. Therefore, the chiefs of each village work tirelessly to compromise, discuss, and even argue until there was unity in everyone's decision. I read the passage to Ed and told him that's what's wrong with our country right now--all division and little unity, as far as politics are concerned. The one side won't work with the other, and the other doesn't want them too anyway. I mentioned maybe it would be a good idea to go back to having the winner be the president and the runner up the vice president. He said, "We used to do that?" :)

I recommend the Poisonwood Bible, even though I haven't finished it. It has some really great lessons in it about loving your neighbor.

Diet update

I'm still progressing toward my goal weight. Considering I gained 3 pounds while at the conference in San Diego, I'm pleased to announce that I'm down 2 1/2 pounds now. Why is it easier to gain weight than lose it? Sheesh. I'm at 167.2, a total of 16 lbs lost from when I began. I'd like to get down to 155, but if I stay where I am now I'd be happy.

It's a strange thing, this having to watch what I eat. I've never had to do it in my life. What a rude awakening. I am grateful though, because it's been a great reminder that we need to take care of our bodies. Ed's even participating, and has been eating better.

Now if I can just figure out the dizziness problem. Dad and Tom and Ryan gave me a blessing the other night when I went to see Carmen et al. It was nice, and he encouraged me that I would find a solution and be ok. I suspect my B12 and B6 shots as contributing, which makes me sad because they really help with my depression. Tough choices ahead.

I'm dizzy (no, really)

From my journal entry June 22:
I’ve been having dizzy spells for about 10 days now. At first they were sporadic, but they’ve slowly gotten constant over the last few days. I tell you, I can’t take it anymore. Not really. I’m fine, just having a hard time coping with feeling like I’m going to topple at any minute. This isn’t quite as severe as the first go-round with my meds, but I’m pretty certain the cause is the same. I called Dr. Loffler and he’s out of the office until July 1. The lady said she’d discuss it with another doctor and have him call me. We’ll see what happens. If it’s this bad tomorrow or any worse, I’ll probably just go see my MD if the other doc hasn’t called me. I also have a whomper of a headache, which never helps anything.

The conference was fun and informative, despite all of the snafus we encountered. I’m tired of telling the stories though, so you’ll just have to wonder.


Wednesday, June 24
I’m still dizzy, but it seems to be letting up some. I heard back from Dr. Banks, and he didn’t seem to think my meds are the cause. I told him if it continued for another couple of days that I would call my MD. I’ll go in Friday if it’s still a problem. It’s weird—when I’m sitting up or standing it’s the worst. If I’m lying down I don’t notice it at all. I wonder if it’s inner ear or something. Oh well. No worries until I go to the doctor, right?

I’m incredibly bored at work right now. I hate it. There are plenty of things I could do, I just don’t have the motivation or interest. I simply don’t care. I told Ed that this schedule (flex time and all, but early mornings) is killing me. We both agreed that coming back from the conference was a real slap in the face. I told him it was like diving into ice water; he countered by saying it was like jumping in with a bunch of crocodiles and piranha. :) Yes, we’re feeling the strain, but at least we’re in it together, ha ha. We talked about me going part-time, but that has yet to be explored. I would LOVE it. Now if I can just convince my bosses that it would be a good thing. Hmm.

Postscript to this post:
My doctor recommended I take my antihistamines again. That was the only difference in what I'd been doing that he could determine. At least that's what I figure. I've had no headaches, I'm not nauseated, I could track his finger fine, etc. Just dizzy. I took the antihistamines and it helped for about 4 days, then it started up again. I finally had Dad, Tom, and Ryan give me a blessing.

Bee haven

Our bees are doing great! I have been so awful about posting any pics, and I apologize. This one was stolen from a random web site, so credit to whomever took it. It wasn't me, but it should be a Minnesota variety, which is what we have.

One of my favorite activities of late is to just go out and sit next to the hive and watch them come and go. They have such a soothing little hum, and it's fun to see the different colors of pollen they bring back to the hive.

The honey supers have been placed; the hive is now about twice as tall as it was to begin with. The queen is doing her job splendidly and all the bees are busy little... well, bees.

We've placed two water sources for them, and neither seems to be popular. Not sure what to do about that. Whenever I water the garden a bee or two will stop to drink up moisture from around the plants, but overall they don't seem to be drawn to either our water-filled hummingbird feeder or the pan full of water (don't worry--we have rocks in the pan to give them something to stand on. Bees can't swim).

That's it for now. If any of you would like to pop over and check them out, please stop by. It really is a great thing to see.

Diet Update

All my life people have given me the look or statement of disbelief when I tell them how much I weigh. Even in junior high, people usually thought I weighed about 20 pounds less than I did. I don't know why that is; maybe it's height, maybe it's muscle, I don't know. But for what it's worth, I started dieting at 183 pounds. I've experimented a bit with what my body can handle as far as "sweet load," monitored my body fat content, and have discovered things that keep me sated (satiated?) longer and what exercises have been most helpful.

The most disturbing thing about it all is how easily we lose muscle. My body fat content has fluctuated right along with my muscle mass, and I've found that walking and doing yoga is barely enough to keep my muscles where I like them. I simply need to lift weights. End of discussion.

The update: I weighed in at 168 yesterday, meaning 15 pounds total. As stated above, I've watched my body fat/lean body mass ratio fluctuate some, and I've found that South Beach actually helped bring me back in line. But it is nice to feel smaller overall, and to weigh less. Even with 7% "excess" body fat. What I've found amusing is that my "target" weight (according to my body analysis readouts) also continues to change. Because I'm losing both body fat and lean body mass at varying ratios, my target weight has gone from 166 to 153 to 151. More work to be done, apparently, and more weights to be lifted. :)

As long as I can stay the course with healthy meals and minimal refined foods, I think I'll be fine. I like the way I eat now. I had some pizza with the boys Sunday night and I thought I was going to die. It made me feel just awful.

I will stick with it, and continue to post updates. Maybe someday Ann won't fall out of her chair when I tell her how much I weigh. Of course, it can be kind of fun to blow people's minds like that. Ha ha. I'm wicked.